First quarter of 2014

May 11, 2014

First quarter of 2014

It’s May already. Never thought the first quarter of the year will be this fast. I'm really longing for time to write about how’s life lately but just haven’t got the chance to actually do it. Life’s been pretty ordinary these days actually. I mean, what can you expect from being in ‘the defining decade’—your big 20something—life?

As you reach this age, you’ll say goodbye to probably the most comfortable phase of your life, college life. Your everyday coffee break with friends at faculty’s canteen, routine meeting in several organisation that sometimes wasted too much time and late night session for assignments will be over. As much as you hated it, you’ll miss it. You’ll miss it terribly. Everyone will start to be busy with their new activities. Before you realise, your conversation will be shifted to career plan, office problems, and of course, the memories. That conversation that started with “Remember when....?” will follow with sincere laughter because all of you have survived the hardest time. All the joy, sadness, tears, or even wasted days will be somehow fun to remember. All of you suddenly become what they called as an adult. And the thing about being an adult is—it won’t stop. You always have summer break after you get your report card back in high school. You will also get to choose between taking a short semester or spending your 3 months holiday after completing your final exam in college. Here in the adulthood, days gone by all year. It will never stop.

You will be running through the year, and you will see things differently. When ‘kids nowadays’ are not you anymore, you’ll start to think hard about the future. The thing is, you sometimes you think about it too much until the stress eats you apart. At least that is what happened to me.

Here’s why. The perks of attending one of the best University in the country is to be surrounded by many, seriously, many intelligent, talented & even brilliant people in your age. They somehow manage to pursue another degree in the field they loved the most, actually open a new kindergarten, being a ‘faculty member’ in one of the most prestigious company in Indonesia, falling in love with a new field and very happy in her current role, challenged himself to travel for a year and teach the kids in Indonesia’s remote area or even plan a wedding for next year (well this one is out of topic but still). I genuinely happy for them since each of them is a very good, close friend of mine—yet they also left me with a thought that I’m the one who still lost, sinking in the corporate world.

I mostly choose to sleep it away while that thought starting to eat me. Then I tell myself that this is the best time to apply the fifth the resilience principle (Wagnild, 2009): Existential Aloneness (Coming home to yourself). It’s realising that everyone's path is unique. It's the ability to not only accept yourself the way it is but about having the comfort to be your very self. Resilient individuals are their own best friend. This is when you can learn to live with yourself & know yourself even better.

I constantly remind myself that the journey actually takes time and it's really okay to take the step one at a time. So I really try to enjoy every given moment and try not to worry about what happened after. At least to keep me sane. My mother (and also my 20-year old-best friend-who somehow is way mature than me) keep reminding me to stay close to Allah as He’s The One who we can rely on.

In essence, I spent the last few months with few new things to keep my stress away. First thing first—I finally get my diving lisence—Yayness. It was an amazing experience, I mean the silence when you drown yourself can’t be explained with a thousand words. You can only hear your own breath and see the other side of the world where Ariel & her friends live. I somehow feel the so called inner peace, even calmer than the feeling that you got after a torturing one hour of Power Yoga session. Having a few friends who have the same interest is also other life’s blessings & one of the things that you HAVE to do in your 20s, right? To surround yourself with those who give you a positive vibe.

My resolution to spend more on moments (and books) accomplished (at least for now).

I travel more than I used to be within 5 months thanks to the company. I went to Surabaya & Malang for a few days to donate some books & stationary to a school near Mount Kelud. It was also a very rare opportunity to actually visit and give something to those in need. A blessing actually, since I got what I always wanted in life: to be able to help other as a job. Even though this isn’t quite the plan, but I manage to compromise and be grateful for what I have right now. I really enjoyed travelling to another city in the country, especially a city like Malang which somehow suit me better than Jakarta. After a year commuting from the suburb to its central business district, a small city with fresh air & less traffic is what I need.

I also spent a lot on books lately, from the self-help books, NatGeo & NatGeo traveller magazine until the cheesy fiction like Divergent series. Even the cheesy series told me that “The future belongs to those who know where they belong”. I realise I don’t belong in the corporate world, as much as I like it by now. It gave me the life I always wanted—an independent one, even a helpful one to the family. It taught me a lot to be a professional, to not take things too personally like many other people in this local company, to have the passion for serving & develop other as an effective HR. It gave me many friends who open new perspective about love and mostly life, but there’s just no content feeling within the days.

I guess I belong in classes, surrounded by open minds & probably a lot of books. I realise I don’t want another year in college, I need one. Especially I need an abroad one, maybe to escape from the messiness here (Oh yes, life’s been pretty messy, even it’s getting better)—but mostly to experience living in a completely different culture and learn from them. So for the first time after graduation, I’m pretty sure about what I’m going to do next. To pursue the dream to get into one of the University in the UK, in the field of I/O Psychology.

I know it’s confusing why I don't choose the field that I was sure best for me—clinical psychology degree—but honestly after all the ups & downs, I’m not really sure what I really want anymore. After all, we’re only a tiny part of inexperience generation, seeking for a place in this world. But that doesn’t mean I have to give up on your dreams, right? If I learn one thing within this whole 20-something experience is that there's always a time for everyone. So I chose to not give up just yet.