God is indeed, always on time

I still can clearly remember the day I went to UK Education Expo back in February 2012, when I even haven’t completed my bachelor degree. Since then, I have this dream to step my foot in one of the most vibrant, beautiful, modern, and also historic city, London. I dreamed to not only visit that city but to actually live there for maybe a year or two. As a student.

I searched for a lot of school out there but I understand that not only I can’t afford any university in London, I did not even have the capacity to afford any higher education. So the dream went out on a window.

2013 approached, and I started my career in one of the largest bank in the world, Citi, where I built my can-do attitude and strengthen my English which I only learned from tv series and books. At that time, life feels is incredibly unfair because it was never been my ambition to have a business related career not to mention a 9-5 job.

But life happened, I have to earn money for a living. I sucked every feeling of discomfort of not having a meaningful life, of spending most of my time commute from Cinere to SCBD, of my dream to have a clinical psychology career path until I found a way to enjoy my days in Citi and learn how it is to work in a bank, as HR. It was not easy but now I completely understand the silver lining that Allah keep from me until today.

Then I got the opportunity to explore my career in the HR stream that I love the most, learning & development, particularly in IDX. Even when I can feel the meaning and happiness at work by helping and facilitating others to grow, I still have my clinical psych dream deep in my heart. And of course, the thought of study that subject in London.

Therefore I chose 2014 as the year to do the scholarship application so I can leave the country on 2015. This is where God works on His plan.

The first step was cashing out my saving and took IELTS preparation class at IALF. Commuting by public transportation from SCBD – Kuningan – Cinere for 5 weeks feels bearable when you truly determined. Then I spent another millions of rupiah for the test which thankfully turned out great. I continue my search for the best university to continue my master degree since then and decided to do the scholarship application first. To do that, I need to complete several documents, essays, support from my supervisor, lecturers and of course, a clear understanding of what I want to pursue in the future.

I tried everything, basically. You named it, LPDP, Australian Awards, Chevening and the one which I prepared lastly was STUNED. It was a total failure until I received an email from LPDP, announcing that this time, I am officially granted a full scholarship.

This still feels like a dream. Others might got it easily, but not for me. I failed several times and almost give everything up. I thought maybe this is not for me—London—is just as far as it is. Now I understand that Allah has perfect timing for every single thing that happened to us. I know that all the efforts and prayer (which didn't come from myself only), will be answered by the Almighty, on His time.

I saw 2015 as a year where I fully transformed. I gave up my dream to be a psychologist with a total understanding that I can, in fact, help others in my job. I fully understand that it’s really okay to earn money, have a better living, and still want to contribute to society. I even think that more money leads to more opportunity to help others. I learned that it’s completely fine to aim for director position in the future while the dream & responsibility to be a Mom is still on the line. I learned to be more realistic in seeing what I have and start there instead of wishing that I was born differently. If I don’t have the luxury to directly continue my education in UI, I should work on my own to have a better education, with of course, a responsibility to support my family.

I got an incredible year—2015—basically one of the best year; work, travel, love, friends and family. I enjoy working in HR and eager to learn more to balance my psychology background with a business perspective by learning through HR certification, HR Summit & force myself to read HR journals which I hate before. I usually spend a lot of time to browse psychologytoday.com until I tried to change it to Harvard Business Review. It was not an easy process, but I understand that everything is indeed, for the better.

I traveled. A lot. To another city that I’ve never thought before, to Disneyland—where my childhood dream starts, to dive in Indonesia’s beautiful ocean & even for a conference in nearest country.

I fell in love. To someone who support me 24/7, someone who forced me to change, someone whom I can lean on, learn to, discuss with, and the best part is, someone who work on his dream too. I am so blessed to have him and I know I won’t be at this phase without him around. And well, even when we have this boundary, I am still grateful for what we had. And that’s that.

I bought (well, work my ass off) to afford my own car. I am—shortly—finally in a phase that I can really support my family—financially—and I have to say, it feels great.

I work with my best friends. I know, isn’t it great? To have two significant people in your day to day life in the past 7 years is not a privileged that everybody’s got. I also see my friends reaching on their dreams and life goals. Some of them are married, got promoted, switching career to where their passion truly belong, completing their masters, and even having so much fun and the time of their life. Whatever it is, I understand that 20-something is seriously hard, but it also could be one of the best times of your life.

So I understand why Allah asked to me wait and tested me how bad I truly want this scholarship. Maybe last year I was eager to leave because of the un-ideal condition of my home, the hatred of my corporate life, and the fear being left behind while others are either married or getting their masters. Now I understand the reason should never be running away. It should be because I care about this issue and truly determined to develop myself further therefore I can contribute back to at least, my family.

So London should be few months away. And I surprisingly not as happy as I thought I’d be.

This is more like a worry feeling of leaving family and people who matter instead of excited of what’s coming. That’s why I fully understand that God has the perfect timing. He chose now so I will not take everything for granted. So I can see this as a blessing, an amanah—a responsibility—rather than a privileged to explore the world only. 

So I can leave for only one reason, to come home.   

p.s.

If there's anything that I learned from my scholarship journey, is that Allah has the perfect timing. 

And maybe this, that you should never, never give up on your dreams. Because on that day, I've never thought I'd be in this position 4 years later.