On Leaving

I have to admit that this past month has been extremely hard. There are a lot of losses and changes that I know I should embrace instead of mourn—because it is indeed, for the better. So I’ve been listening to Disney Classic, ‘A whole new world’ for a week by now, realizing that it will be a complete strange beginning and big new horizon in front of me. The mixed up feeling suddenly appear as the departure date has been set and I already settled the place where I am going to stay for a year. That was not easy process, but I got it together with a full help from a friend. 

I used to think that life will be easier when you’re closer to your dream. It turned out that life is just series of problem, one solution will lead to another problem. Now the thought of leaving scares me. Maybe because I realized that I have tons of responsibilities at home (and at work) which I am not completely sure can be done before September. Or maybe because I just realize that I am surrounded by a lot, seriously a lot, of people who love me unconditionally here. I was focusing my energy on a relationship that didn’t last while actually, there are a lot of people who’ve been there all the time. No regrets whatsoever, of course. Every person, situation, or even relationship is a learning process of life, I guess? It just hit me when I know, I have only 4 months before leaving. Or whether I can survive during the change. 

Leaving this comfort zone, friends and families will not be easy for a girl who always lives in this city called Jakarta—so I chose to reframe my perspective to see this as it is, a blessing. So my fear can slowly disappear. This is my labil post from a week before my 20, where I wrote London as my number 1 dream. Little that I know, I will be leaving to that city 3 months after my 25^th birthday. It is amazing how God’s work on His own terms, right?

One of the solid proof of How amazing God’s work is on how I placed in this new environment called “PK – 62”. It is actually the shortened name from Persiapan Keberangkatan-62 by my scholarship grant organisation, LPDP. I was furious on how the system works and because of my personal reasons, I tried to change the schedule to other PK. It turned out that Allah wants me to stay in that program, specifically that batch. It leads me to meet 125 outstanding people around the country who have their own vision and dream on how to build Indonesia. The awe feeling on meeting a doctor from Papua who would like to study vaccine for Malaria, a guy who has his own Sekolah Alam, a mother who wants to study TESOL to teach her students a very basic subject, English, a doctor (again) who serves in conflict area—Sudan, a son of Nasi Uduk seller & TKI who’d like to pursue a career in education never stops to strike me. You name it, they have it. 

Within that period, I also meet several Indonesia’s top figures; Rizal Ramli, Universitas Indonesia & Universitas Islam Negeri’s rector, My Vice Dean, the humble Ibu Corrina, and other young figures who serves in all over Indonesia. All of them send a particular message on how Indonesia needs us—and no matter how far we go—this will always be a place where we call home. And two more lessons, one that I learned from Pak Rizal Ramli, is that being an elite, even an intellectual elite, is a responsibility to change. So let’s hope that I can really hold this responsibility to contribute and change the country to a better place. One thing that ease me is a lesson from Bu Corrina, who said that her PhD in UNSW taught her that it is not her who is great. It is God who is so great. And He helps her along the way. 

Bismillahirahmanirrahim ­:)