The art of forgiveness is to simply forgive yourself.

I bet that everyone's phone were familiar with 'lebaran' greetings. Yes they're right, it's the day that we've been waiting for—the Eid-ul Fitr 1432 H! Like any other moslem in the universe, i'm as excited as anyone can be to finally meet this year's Eid. Too bad the government made a very late decision for the day, and my dad's family is Al-Azhar Fanatic so we did the Eid pray on Tuesday. It's okay since everyone seems really praise the difference, yet the atmosphere still didn't feel exactly the same. Well, i didn't hear the sound of takbir during the night before the Eid pray, which kind of weird. Nevertheless, Masjid Agung Al-Azhar was uber full and i feel tremendously happy to be around a lot, lots of people only to praise You, God. It broke my heart but also embrace a teary smile on my face while hearing the Eid pray postponed for a few minutes, waiting for those who still on the way—especially those who literally on a run from TransJakarta & other Public transportations. Practically seeing them ran from the busway station remind me that i have a lot of things to be thankful—starting from arrived save and sound by a private car on the holly-day.

After the Eid pray, here comes the tradition on my dad's family. Sungkeman. Still, it feels too different with the usual. My grandparents has moved from Cisanggiri, the house that they been living for more than 30 years. I lived there once while on the first year of highschool. I even had my own memories, despite with the families. So it's still awkward to be in a new house, looking at the same furnitures placement in different house. I miss that house, i always will.

Back to the main topic—The idea of Eid-ul Fitr is always about back to basic. To come clean with every single mistakes, unappropriate words, act or several things that we did in the past. To sincerely ask for forgiveness and not only forgive others, but also to forget. It's always feels relieving to get down on my knees, ask for forgiveness and heard prayer as an answer from my parents. Tears were always dropping during the tradition, and this year's feel extremely different since we passed several problems which bring us so much closer. Mom, dad & my little sister had each of a quarter of my self. By that i mean family really is a life. We visited my brother's grave after the celebration, and of course he had a part of my self as well. He taught me how to miss someone who you've never met. Wish the five of us could gather, one day.

Eventhough the day was full with tears, it's still the most wonderful time of the year. The happiness come from within. From my mom's laughter while looking at me & my sister cooked, from my dad's prayer—"tetep jadi kebanggaan ayah ya kak...", from my granma's message—"Doain orang tuamu terus ya Clar...", from my cousin's pregnancy (looking forward to visit her after the laibor, in Bandung. Yay), from my sister's happy face while looking at her wallet & the idea of tomorrow—My mom's big family gathering. It was full of blast too.

I always love the idea of gather with the closest ones. Even simply texting/chatting with my bestfriends during the Eid. Sending my deep apologies and prayers for the family always brought positive energy to me my self. It is also a part of catching up with people you only see, talk or even chat once a year. It really is okay, since you can't live with everyone. As long as you make a good relationship with them, and of course wishing them for the best during the year. Hearing, and reading apologies from others make me realized that the only One who knows how sincere we are is Allah. No one can really sure how far they mean what they said. Right? So what can we do? I guess the only thing is to put our ass of to sincerely ask for forgiveness & to actually forget.

Where to start? I guess we can start with the simple things, like to forgive them who sent greetings via broadcast message. Several people harshly said that they will 'end chat' every bbm with purple text, or promise they won't reply the broadcast messages. From my point of view, it doesn't matter how you send your apologies, as long as you mean it. I guess everyone have their plan during the day, families and stuffs. It takes too much time to chat everyones, and with that kind of facilities—they can practically save times & still greet others. What i mean by this is i appreciate every chat that came to my phone, whether with black & purple text. I personally sent a few texts to closest(s) people & replied every messages with (hopefully) pure words.

Then again, i think the other important thing that we often missed is to forgive ourselves. Obviously we made several mistakes that we regret in the past. To survive the present and continue to the future—we need to forgive ourselves. To start fresh, to walk free, smile easily and to laugh sincerely. Everybody needs that. To be true with yourself, and forgive and learn from your own mistakes. Hopefully we'll live a better life since we became a better self.

At the end of the day, it's just an opinion of mine. There's always several ways to see everything, so as much as i appreciate your opinion—i hope you can appreciate mine too. Here's come the end of my bla-bla-bla about the Day. Simply is my favorite day of the year, and before it's toooo late—i'd like to say sorry from the very deep within. For every words that came wrong, mistakes in life, or any kind of things that make you feel uncomfortable, i really am sorry.

and here's pieces of my lebaran,

My every, everything.

With the cousins from Mom's side. Always love them.

With the ITB's brother&sisters. I guess she's the only family who read this blog, huge thanks to you Mbak. Looking forward to see you, soon!

May the blessings of Allah be upon you,

Clarissa Rizky