Enjoy your worries, you may not have it anymore.

I'm in the middle of midterm test weeks. I got 5 days break before two more exams left. Having 5 days break in this freakin University's schedule is like the sweetest gift ever. How grateful i am to lay down and have time to surf the internet beside of psychology thingy. Not that i don't enjoy my study, but after 10 pages of Educational Psychology analysis of Laskar Pelangi, Research Methods and Statistics + Sexual Behavior Psychology exams and 85 questions of Social Psychology, i need to freshen up my mind. So here i am scrolling other's site, reading and try to find inspirations while keep worrying about my two exams next week. Developmental Psychology and Learning & Behavior Psychology are two of the hardest in this term.

You know, i really am interest in writing. Like really, interest. This blog is the easiest place to talk about my point of view about life. Well, i'm not an idealist teenager who think global wide. I'm not that girl who super care about the environment nor fashion. I found super cool teenagers who have done so many achievement nowadays in the internet. Let's call them friends of friends, so i'm not sound like a stalker. Even if i am one, let's pretend that i'm not :P Well, there are so many young, talented, productive girls outside. The girl who still in the first year of highschool yet already in the international organization, or done a book. A girl who have same age with me, with her 200+ followers from her fashion blog. I'm so thrilled to see the way they living their life. Adore, to be exact.

After that there's a tiny whisper in my ears, asking what have you done in you 19 years of living, Clar?

Silence for a while. What have i done? I currently chasing my 'perfect' future while mumbling about the long journey to that place. The perfect future when i'll be a successful psychologist who can help my kids grow, or even other kids and families. When i'll be able to write things not only to amuse peple, but taught them how great their life is. Now? I always talk about how hard my college is, the ups-and-down in my family life, keeping friendship and sometimes about random feelings about love that almost every girl have.

How about living the youth life to it's fullest? I never think about joining a youth organization cause maybe i won't fit well. I don't really care about the global issue the way they are. I also never concern about fashion as much as my friends. I wear what i think fit well to my proportion. I listen to good music which come to my ears eventually. I won't search for the 'nowadays' songs, myspace songs, indie songs, and so on. Even in having a dream, i always wish about normal and constant life. Call me average.

Or maybe, call me coward. Sometimes i think i'm too afraid to go out from my comfort zone. Like most of people, i'm not a big fan of change. I'm not a big fan of doing something new while old things still running well. I always remember one of Paulo Coelho's quote "Don't try to be brave if dilligent is enough." Then i realize, there's some point when i got bored with this kind of life. This kind of cycle that i do every day. Or a point that i asked my self, is this what i want? Really? Being an average, all the time?

Worry. I'm worrying about the kind of life that i want. Maybe i'm just too obsessed of being a succesful woman in the future until i forget how to live the youth life to its fullest. I just realized, that we'll never be as young as we are today. This year, i made several choices. Several choices that some people will call it small things. But for me, anything could be big if we do it seriously. I try to go out from my comfort zone. I try to do new things, opening different point of view about many things, and yes i wrote.


I can't tell you all what the exact things are, but your support means a lot for me.

Wish me thousands luck!
Clarissa Rizky