The thing about the future, is uncertainty.

I always love to write anything that comes up on my mind. Well it came out wrong, i mean what I've been thinking lately. Like what's on my mind, lately. The year is going to end and so does the semester. We'll face the sixth term soon (of course after a FREE from duty January *yayness*) So the favourite question in my academic environment is about "What will you do after this?". The question can be interpret as what will you do on 2012, or even worse, what will you after you graduate? It's a very simple question which will trigger a lot more question but not from the one who asked, but from the one who should give them the answers. As i told you before, this is what i feel lately—in between. 

Here's the thing, i always thought that Child Psychology is my true passion. If you asked me a year before i wrote this post, I'll be proud to say that i want to learn about Psychology to help people, and to help my kids—as a Child Psychologist later in the future. I want to work in a hospital, or maybe one day have my own private practice which will provide any kind of child assessment from intelligence, personality, to ability test and of course, to help not only the child but also the whole family maybe with therapy, or any kind of intervention that suit. Beside that, my parents gave their full blessing to take this as path of my journey, in life. It also have a better prospect than a clinical psychology. So i never thought about taking other path.

As the time goes by, i learn several interesting field of Psychology like Abnormal Psychology, Clinical & Health Psychology and Psychology of Addiction. I fell in love. I picture my self as a person who can help people who suffer from their chronic or maybe acute psychological disorder, which can only treated by the people from psychology background. I also picture my self as a helper for a college student, for a woman, man who have a major distress or even for people who drown into addiction. Curative treatment is always tempting for me. Maybe, the dream of becoming a doctor (even a dentist) is back active since the idea of being a Clinical Psychology is too close to that. 

The thing is, i don't know—and it bug me, a lot. I don't like to walk without a goal. I mean a clear one. I have a dream to become a specialist in one field of Psychology. In the future, I'd love to hear that when someone ask about 'the field', the other will refer to Clarissa Rizky, "She's an expert on that." No, not because that sounds cool. Yes it is, but for me being a specialist means being able to help in a deeper way and maybe, in bigger amount of people. One other thing, I'd love to be a lecturer—to share what I've learned before and seeing other people grow and continue to develop the social science which never stop growing. 

So at the first time since i entered my second grade in Highschool, I'm not sure what I'm going to be in the future. I know, if i really want to be a specialist in field that i fell i love for, i have to start with my thesis—which can be start by the time i pass 110 credits. After this semester pass, Insha Allah I'll finished my 106 credits & left with 30 credits of classes, 2 credits for the internship and 6 for the thesis. So i know, my time is coming for making a decision. Everything should be well prepared so i have to clear my head, ask more (expertise) people & maybe let God decide. I know He spoke through my heart, and He is never wrong, and never, ever fail me. 

I hate to the left with the word 'maybe', yet that's all I've got until today. Still have time to think again, cause I know it's never too late.

This post is only made to heal my feelings in the middle of the freaking final tasks (and soon to be, tests). Should be back to start a paper, yet here i am still typing. I know i'm not supposed to mumble about the things that i have to do—since there are hundred of people who'll put their ass off to be in my position as a student of the best Psychology faculty in the nation—yet these days been so tiring till i can't wait to the end of the year to come. Haven't plan anything for NYE. I even consider to have good foods, coffee, movies and a tight sleep after the midnight, in my own bed. Never spent the new year eve at home, so i think it'll be nice to have some quite and relaxing time with my self after everything that i've been through the year. 

Anyway, the idea of January is so exciting for me. Plan a short trip with my family to maybe just the nearest city, doesn't matter if i have the three of them at the same time. Have a lot of time to read, and write! It's a yayness, since i already have several books, interesting journals and articles to read after the duty to read lots of books and data for classes are done. I also want to reconnect with my own writing project which been left since the semester starts. January means a month to Love Donation & UI FASHION WEEK pre-event (which now are my upcoming projects) and the time to do several preparation for the competition that i (think I'll) take the next year. Re-decorating my room is also something that have to be done before February, and one more thing, English class! 

That's it for now, lots enough to make me smile just by remembering that. This will end before soon, so I better do my best for the upcoming weeks—cause I know that Allah never wrong. I'll just show Him my best effort, and hopefully, the result will positively correlate with the effort. That's about my December so far. 

Ps. My article made it to the headline in anakui.com & red by 400ish people around the University. I'm blessed, because of you--people who reads this since i've always remember. Thank you!